Thriving Through the Unexpected – A Guest Post with April Dawn White

My friend April Dawn White, took an unexpected trip through chronic illness. April, along with co-author Marilyn Nutter, writes about her journey in her new book,  Destination Hope; A Travel Companion When Life Falls Apart.

Here’s April’s story:

I was newly married and fresh out of pharmacy school. I dreamed of a simple life and perfect kids. (Queue the dreamy background music.) Until six years ago, the only thing missing from my idyllic life was a white picket fence and a deer-proof garden.

Then one day I awoke to nerve endings exploding like bottle rockets in my body. I gasped my husband’s name. A heavy oppression overtook my body. Unknown to me, a rare disease crawled through my skeletal muscles. I tried to shake off the electric shocks stinging my legs, but I couldn’t move. The raw tingling pain crept across my face and shoulders.

Like Superman exposed to kryptonite, I was immobile.

What was happening to me?

Lyrics to an old hymn by Horatio Spafford, waltzed past the question. A voice, perhaps mine, perhaps God’s, assured me, “It is well; it is well with my soul.” Peace replaced the question lodged in my thoughts. I whispered aloud, “Lord, I don’t know what this is, but I trust You.”

Beginning in the fall of 2015, these peculiar and difficult to isolate symptoms occurred without warning. They waxed and waned, but the times of muscle weakness and random paralysis increased in severity.

I worked as much as I could and hid my weakening body from my patients and myself. Rather than standing upright, I leaned against the pharmacy counter or propped an elbow on the adjacent wall when counseling patients.

When brain fog (which for me is worse in the morning or evening) clouded my thinking, I offered patients a dazzling smile, glanced at my watch, and remarked, “Oh goodness, that’s not what I meant to say. Looks like I need a Starbucks break.” We’d laugh at my expense, but deep down I knew something wasn’t quite right with me. Eventually, I was couldn’t hold a coffee mug, stand without assistance, or even hold a pen.

In January 2016, only three months after my initial attack of periodic paralysis, I surrendered my medical leave of absence paperwork to human resources, and I surrendered my health and provision to the Lord. I called upon the Lord as my Jehovah Jireh to provide, and God did not disappoint.

At times, I questioned His timing, but He always has plan in place (even when we can’t see it). During my year of waiting for the Lord to provide finances, a diagnosis, and clarity on what to do, I learned to trust the Lord like I never had before. I created my own acronym for trust.

T ruly

R est in God’s

U nfailing

S overeign

T iming

Waiting is an exercise in trust. I waited for thirteen months for a second opinion from Duke Medical Center to name my illness that hijacked my body—Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis (HPP). It’s a rare genetic disorder affecting 0.001% percent of the population.  The symptoms include unexplainable muscle weakness, loss of strength, numbness of limbs, hands, and/or face, and random partial or full-body paralysis. These attacks can last a little as a few hours to days.  

HPP catapulted me into the world of chronic illness and threatened to derail my sense of worth, security, and identity.

I’d like to say I’ve overcome all my hang-ups, but I haven’t. I still struggle with my identity as a forced stay-at-home-mom, rare illness warrior, writer, and “retired” pharmacist. I wish I could tell you I no longer struggle with my current situation or my illness. But I can’t. Most days I feel like a stalled racehorse eager to run a race, only to discover my batteries are too low to get out of the gate.

Life with a chronic illness is a daily fight, but God grants His strength each day. This rare illness has hijacked my body, but it cannot hijack my hope. I get by every day with Jesus, coffee, and afternoon naps. 

God continues to teach me how to be productive for His Kingdom, His Plans, and His Purpose, which no longer includes me serving as the local pharmacist. I cling to God’s Word.

Decades before my illness, I chose Psalm 63:8 as my life verse:

“My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”

With the insight of hindsight, I see these perceived setbacks were a set-up for God to work in me and through me.

He can do the same for you. Whatever you battle on a chronic basis, I pray you feel God’s right hand upholding you with His strength.

God bless,

~April Dawn

As a former pharmacist, April offers hope and refill reminders of God’s faithfulness through her blog, Prescriptions of Hope. Visit her website, www.AprilDawnWhite.com for a refill of hope and join her on The Back Porch for monthly updates, favorite shows, and books….and of course coffee!

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